Introducing Gotta Go
Viking Poops, Parasite Airbnbs, and the Humor of the Human Throne
Introducing Gotta Go: Viking Poops, Parasite Airbnbs, and the Humor of the Human Throne
The Viking Who Became an Accidental Parasite Airbnb Superhost
Have you heard about that Viking who took the most legendary dump in history?
Not the "OMG, why did I eat that entire bowl of five-alarm chili" kind of legendary. I'm talking about an eight-inch by two-inch masterpiece that has withstood over 1,200 years to earn the title of the world's most colossal fossilized human turd. While most of us text poop emojis to friends or pray our bathroom escapades are forgotten, this anonymous Viking's epic deposit is proudly showcased in a museum. This turd is reportedly worth $39,000. Now, that’s what you call leaving your skidmark on history!
They found this bad boy in 1972 under what would become Lloyds Bank in York, England. Scientists call it a "coprolite," perhaps because "ancient poop" doesn't sound fancy enough for grant applications. Dating back to the 9th century, this colossal creation emerged in Jorvik—what we now call York—a thriving Viking settlement where warriors feasted heartily on meat and bread. Forget juice cleanses and kale smoothies.
But wait, it gets better. This fossil hosted hundreds of parasitic eggs, making our Viking friend the unwitting Airbnb Superhost of the parasite world. As was common in that era, the Viking had whipworms—those delightful little squatters that could migrate from your gut to your nose or ears. Imagine walking around Jorvik with that party happening inside you. Suddenly, your occasional modern bathroom emergencies don't seem so bad, do they?
Palaeoscatologist Andrew Jones declared: “This is the most exciting piece of excrement I’ve ever seen,” to the Wall Street Journal when first appraising it in 1991. “In its own way, it’s as irreplaceable as the Crown Jewels.” Oh, to be a fly on the wall during the holiday dinner when Jones decided to share with his family and parents: “I study ancient poop, and this one is a game-changer.”
Meet Your Guide: Mary Poopins, Anthropoopologist Extraordinaire
Hi! I’m your guide into the strange, smelly, and surprisingly fascinating world of human waste. I’m an award-winning writer eager to collect and share stories that help us laugh and learn about poop.
As someone who’s conducted first-person research into bathroom design catastrophes, cultural commode customs, and dietary disasters, I’ve discovered that poop levels the playing field for everyone. From awkward bathroom encounters to million-dollar rooftop restrooms with questionable privacy, our bathroom stories reveal our humanity and humor.
Why Talk About Poo/Poop?
Whether you call it poo, poop, or something else entirely, the lasting success of books like Everyone Poops and What’s Your Poo Telling You? shows just how captivated we are by this universal experience—no matter our age. Did you know Mount Everest in 2018 held 28,000 pounds of frozen poop? That's the weight of two elephants, turning the peak of human exploration into a chilling reminder of our impact—more recent hikers have to now BYO poop bag and pack it in, pack the shit out. Another burning topic of interest is the way we poop changes as we age, from newborn blowouts to geriatric gut challenges.
Even pop culture is full of iconic bathroom moments, from Trainspotting’s infamous toilet scene to cheeky lyrics in Matt Farley’s viral song "Poop in My Fingernails," which has amassed over 4.4 million Spotify streams as of March 2024.
What’s Next?
In this space, we’ll dive into all things poop, from the deeply scientific to the hilariously awkward. We’ll decode digestive mysteries—ever wonder what your poop color means?—and unpack the global etiquette of using toilets. We’ll explore bizarre bathrooms (like a ladies only fish tank bathroom in Japan) and rooftop restrooms with stunning views.
Pop culture will also appear, with bathroom moments in books, movies, and viral social media trends. From TikTok’s potty humor to hashtags that celebrate #BathroomFails, we’ll see how the internet is normalizing the most taboo of topics. Even attractive stars like Billie Eilish, Halle Berry, Madonna, the Kardashians, and Winnie Harlow get the feature treatment for the practice of taking “pants down” selfies on the throne.
Why It Matters
Poop is universal. It’s funny, fascinating, and a little gross—but also full of insights about who we are as humans. I hope to create a space where we can laugh, learn, and share by turning this hot-button concept into a source of curiosity and humor.
Until next time, may your poops be smooth, your toilet paper plentiful, and your bathroom breaks drama-free. Stay flush with knowledge!
Yours,
Mary Poopins, Anthropoopologist